Back in April 2010, Terry Fallis kindly assisted me in submitting my novel, The 29th Day, to the Beverley Slopen Literary Agency. I want to publicly thank Terry for this — this was a dream come true for me, as any aspiring writer can appreciate. Unfortunately, that did not pan out. Earlier this week. I received a kind rejection with an explanation and a response to my further request for constructive feedback. I am extremely grateful for this and will make very good use of the information provided.

I have found out that my writing style is fine, which I take to mean that my manuscript is of publishable quality. I was also told that the voice of my narrator is humourous — voice is very important in writing, so this is a big compliment — and that the premise of The 29th Day is good. My first 50 pages did not hook Beverley’s assistant who read them . She indicated this was because she did not bond with the characters. I value this feedback tremendously and will be using it to improve my manuscript before I submit it again. Thank you again to Shangeetha for this incredibly helpful information!

My initial reaction was to rewrite the whole book from Karine’s perspective (the mother of the child with the extraordinary knowledge about the climate change) rather than Annika’s (the awkward observer, who comments on Karine’s life). This would have added immediacy, but also made it an entirely different novel — probably a less humourous one. I consulted with my advisory group (the 14 people who had read my manuscript at various stages) and sent them two versions of the first page to comment on (the existing humourous one written from Annika’s perspective and a more dramatic one written from Karine’s perspective — what I thought of as a more “authentic” voice).

Anna (my #1 fan/first fan) took me to task for thinking of taking Annika’s story away from her and reminded me to have confidence in what I have written. My friends and family were willing to support me regardless of which decision I made and were therefore perhaps less blunt in their assessment than an objective third party (such as Anna). Here’s an edited version of what Anna said when she read both sample pages (I note that the page from Annika’s perspective had changed quite significantly from when Anna first read it. The version she is commenting on below is the one that was positively reviewed by Sam Hiyate and Kim Moritsugu at the Humber Writer’s Circle):

I imagine Karine’s story to be very lengthy in details and all the metaphors - I just think it will sound like a bad violin.  I hope I’m not too cruel, or maybe my devotion to
your first draft is just too strong.  But I always found it amusing and interesting to read or watch a movie from the perspective of a funny character.  All the comments which Annika made were gold, but I see Karine’s story having none of that.  I just think it will lose the charm which the first draft had.

Annika’s version — This is hilarious.  Maybe I’ve been working too hard and my life became dull – but I actually laughed out loud a couple of times, and this is just the first page!  This is what I’m talking about.  I love Annika’s jokes, they’re great. In conclusion - I wouldn’t re-write The 29th day from Karine’s point of view.  I think if you were to do that, you would be satisfying the agent and not yourself.  Leave it be, maybe work on it more until an agent takes it on but leave the general writing as it is now.

This tells me that readers can bond with my characters and already have a devotion to The 29th Day, which I don’t want to mess with. I think the problem identified by the Slopen Agency is one of pacing — the book’s strength is the last 200 pages where the mystery of Karine’s relationship with her son Luke unfolds, but right now the reader has to get through almost a hundred pages before they get there. This is fine for many, but impatient readers (including agents) will want to be drawn into the characters’ lives and the central conflict earlier.  My plan is now to revise The 29th Day using the techniques from Between the Lines by Jessica Page Morrell (which I discovered after I submitted my manuscript) and the brilliant insights provided to me by the Beverley Slopen Literary Agency. The main substantive change I would make would be to eliminate some of the backstory — in the current version, Karine does not have the baby until 100 pages in. I will need to cut out those first pages and have the baby born earlier as the story focusses on the time she is pregnant through to her son’s fifth year. I hope to be able to use much of the beginning material throughout the novel, blended in as flashbacks and short scenes of backstory (ie what has happened prior to the events covered in the main part of the story). Then I will submit to another agent. So, finding an agent is still a dream I’m working on.

Another dream that came true is that I heard my all-time favourite musician, Ron Hawkins (formerly of the great Canadian band, Lowest of the Low) in a solo performance in an intimate setting (Ryerson university pub on Gould Street) on June 18, 2010 — thanks to CUPE for organizing that! I saw him on stage with the Lowest of the Low at least 6 or 7 times but that was many years ago. I was sad they had broken up and hadn’t really paid attention after that … but in the meantime Ron Hawkins continued on his own. It is safe to say that everything that was great about the Lowest of the Low came from Ron Hawkins, who still has it! His voice is even better now and his new songs are fantastic — last night fans were raving that they were just as good as Shakespeare My Butt and now having listened to his newest CD, 10 Kinds of Lonely (which he gave out last night), I agree. My kids and I had a great time listening to it this morning — it showcases Ron Hawkin’s incredible talents (he sings harmonies and plays the harmonica, drums, guitar, and piano on it … laid down in different tracks). Incidentally, Ron Hawkin’s paints as well — a selection of his work is on his website: www.ronhawkins.com .

Last night, I told Ron Hawkins about my novels on social justice themes and asked whether he’d be interested in playing at my book launch, if I ever get published, and he said yes. Wouldn’t that be great? Here’s what I’m envisioning for my book launch … a charity fundraiser with a reading by Terry Fallis (author of The Best Laid Plans and The High Road and my mentor in writing The 29th Day … if he’s not off on international book tour or something by then), music by Ron Hawkins, a couple of poems by Salimah Valiani (my first writing friend) and me reading from The 29th Day. Maybe it could be at the Drake Hotel? Sounds like fun to me and I hope you think so too, as I would expect to see you there! This will be the motivation I need to get my book revised over the summer. My goal to have it completed by the beginning of August 2010.

Ron Hawkins performed right after the first event of the 2010 People’s Summit on June 18th: an excellent line up of music and speeches hosted by the delightful Annahid Dashtgard of Anima Leadership. Contrary to what you might be thinking, this was no group of subversive protesters. They were regular people — like you or me – whose view’s are just plain old common sense. In fact, that was another dream come true — to be surrounded by people who care about the same things I do. These types of events are portrayed in the media as being for a small group of radicals on the fringe of society. This is not accurate — the views expressed at events like these mirror those of a majority of people (though they may not even know it).

People are coming to the summit events because they disagree with the following statements:

• Not every child deserves to eat, learn and play – only children in rich countries should have that opportunity. Kids everywhere else should get back to work … now.
• Who cares that 80% of people who die in tornadoes, hurricanes and other climate change disasters are women? Not me — that’s their problem for being in the wrong place and gender at the wrong time. 
• If women do 80% of the work, it is only fair that they should earn 10% of the world’s wealth. Women are such complainers — they should be grateful for what they’ve got … 10% is a heck of a lot of money.
• A man elected to represent a country only needs to consider what is good for other men and business because in the big scheme of things women and children don’t really matter (which is why I am so pleased that almost all of the G8 and G20 leaders are men!).
• Children are more important that women – let the women die, we just want the babies (babies, especially orphans, are so cute)
• It is unecessary to talk about access to clean drinking water across the globe because now we have a wonderful fake lake just beside Lake Ontario – an innovative made-in-Canada solution for that problem!

If you agree with the above statements, you would not be interested in the People’s Summit – you can probably get all the information about the G8 and the G20 you need from the mainstream news. But, if you disagree with the above statements, and want to find out the real facts about how our world works and what could be done to rectify it, check out some of the great events (includes programming for children): www.peoplessummit2010.ca .

Equal access to opportunities and resources for everyone in the world is a dream I — and many others — will be working towards. I will also be working towards finding an agent and getting published. You may have a role to play in both of these … my goal is to write novels with social justice ideas embedded in them (ie. people will read them for fun, but end up thinking about some important issues). I also intend to keep working and use the novels I write in the evening as vehicles for fundraising to address the types of inequities I have referred to above (through my portion of the proceeds or charity events associated with my books). So, please support me as a writer in getting published & think about how you can advance social justice goals. Any of the following would be helpful:

• Post a comment linking to your blog or website, if you have one on topics relating to writing or social justice
• Tell people about my writing and this blog — http://books.macedo.ca
• Email people links to the author interviews on this blog as a means of encouraging other writers to use their platform to advance social causes (see for example, Priscila Uppal)
• Let me know of any authors who are interested in social justice ideas or who use their celebrity to raise funds for good causes — I might be able to interview them
• Send me information about writing or social-justice related events that you are aware of, so I can post them on this blog — email me at evadnekm@gmail.com
• Contact me if you have ideas thant link to the topic of “Fiction for a change” — using fiction as a vehicle of positive social change
• Inform yourself about social justice issues, such as those covered in the 2010 People’s Summit
• Believe that you, as an individual, can effect positive social change (consider what the Kielberger brothers say: that passion plus talent improves the world — think about what you like to do and what you are good at and go with that … you can make a difference!)

I came across an example of that last point at a symposium for educators I went to on June 17, 2010 – a representative from Right to Play spoke about their programs. Right to Play exists because one person combined his talent & celebrity as an Olympic Athlete with an interest in empowering kids through play — his program is now available around the world with multiple applications (in schools, with Aboriginal youth etc.) & transforms children’s lives and communities. Think how different our world might be if the leaders involved in the G8 and G20 negotiations were guided by Right to Play’s simple message: ”Look after yourself, look after each other.”